Sharing My Heart - I Am Here for You

I have been writing and editing this in my mind for a week, now it is time to share.

When I first heard the about the update in the LDS Church handbook in relation to gay marriage being classified as apostasy and the children of couples in a same-gender marriage being required to wait until age 18 for baptism and full participation in other church activities I felt disbelief, confusion, and hurt.

I realized that so many of my brothers and sisters are in deep pain and feel marginalized, unwanted and ostracized, and other things I cannot possibly begin to imagine.  There are people in my life that I love deeply who identify LGBTQ+ and others who are allies.  This includes family members and dear friends I’ve known for years, and friends I have come to know and cherish more recently.  Many of them are truly hurting. Among those suffering are people in the LGBTQ+ community and allies I have never met.  All are my brothers and sisters, all are of value.  All are Children of God. 
They. Are. In. Pain.
Deep searing pain. 
Can’t catch your breath pain.
Drowning in hopelessness and despair pain. 
Possibly even the pain that could lead to the unthinkable, desperate decision to end a life in suicide. 

What can I do in this situation?  What should I do? 

Let’s begin with what I will not do.  I am not going to go to Church leaders and demand answers.  I am not going to protest and vilify and fuel hatred. I am not going to quit or resign my membership.  That is not the answer; that is not my answer.  I have gone to the source, to my Father in the sacred name of my Savior and humbly shared my hurt and confusion and sincerely asked for understanding, for peace.  It is coming.  I still don’t understand, but I am feeling a bit more peace.  I will continue to seek more from this Pure Source.

I am going to stay true to myself, true to my testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  I am staying in my Church; the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that is so deeply a part of me.  I am staying true to my covenants in that church. Covenants that include mourning with those that mourn and comforting those that stand in need of comfort.   This is my answer, this is my path, and this is what I need to and will do.

I will love.  I will advocate for kindness and patience and behaving as Christ would.  I will sit in the pews each week and invite anyone who wants to sit with me to do so and welcome you with open arms.  I will even move out of “my” pew, my comfort zone in the chapel and sit with you if you need me to.  I will pray for your pain to ease.  I will be a shoulder to cry on and a friend to cry with.  I will be as Christ-like as I can.  I will fail at times, because I am a flawed, imperfect human-being, but when I fail I will try to pick up and start over and truly try to be the best I can to be there for those who need a friend, a hug and love. 

If you are an ally or identify as LGBTQ+ (whether you’re out or not) please know I am safe to reach out to.  I am safe to come out to (if you feel comfortable doing so).  I promise to do my very best to love you and mourn with you and comfort you.  I know I will never fully understand your pain, your journey and your deepest heart, but I truly believe that Jesus Christ does.  I will try to listen and empathize and help you the very best I know how, and will keep trying to learn more and improve in this ability.  I believe in Christ and kindness and love.  I hope you will allow me to share with you.  You are welcomed with my open arms, as I strive to be an extension of His arms.  

To all who are in pain over this issue (or any other) please, please, please know that
You. Are. Loved! 

Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee.

Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me.

Isaiah 49:15-16 (see also 1 Nephi 21:14-16) 

I also want to share the lyric to one of my favorite hymns:

1. Where can I turn for peace?
   Where is my solace
   When other sources cease to make me whole?
   When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice,
   I draw myself apart,
   Searching my soul?

Where, when my aching grows,

Where, when I languish,

Where, in my need to know, where can I run?

Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?

Who, who can understand?

He, only One.

1. He answers privately,
   Reaches my reaching
   In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend.
   Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching.
   Constant he is and kind,
   Love without end.

I testify that Jesus Christ is the source you can turn to for peace, no matter what is causing your wounded heart, or your aching, when you have no where else to go. He does have a quiet hand to calm your anguish and he truly is the one who can fully understand.  He is your friend. He is constant and kind and he truly does love you with no end!   

Why I Don't Want a Temple Marriage, and Neither Should You

All through my growing up years I was taught to "Get Married in the Temple" as though this were the ultimate "Happily Ever After".  I've realized since that the Temple Sealing ordinance isn't the happy ending, it is, in reality, the "Once, Upon a Time", the beginning of the story.

I don't want a Temple Marriage, I want an Eternal Marriage, a Celestial Marriage.

An Eternal Marriage is one in which two imperfect people work together to become worthy of the blessings and promises of Celestial glory, a a team, as equally yoked partners.

Because we are imperfect we will often fall short of this goal, to be equal, to always be kind and caring.  But as a couple determined to make it, each person can, and will look past the imperfections of their spouse and look to overcome the imperfections in themselves.

There will always be challenges  in a marriage:

• Loss of employment
• Illness
• Wayward children
• Financial difficulties
• Time demands of other responsibilities 
• Intimacy 
• Getting complacent in the relationship 

and so many more 

If you and your spouse are committed to one another and to working through these challenges together, as a team.  Fiercely loyal to one another, determined to work on the struggles side-by-side, letting your strength as a team overcome all of the outside stuff you will achieve the happily ever after, after all.

Relying on one another, relying on Christ and His Atonement to help heal the hurt in the world around you and improve the weaknesses in yourself, allowing them to be made into strengths.  As a three person team: husband, wife, the Lord you will be unstoppable.  Stumbles may happen, but you can get up and keep moving forward, together. 

That marriage that will survive and thrive through this mortal life, not parted by death, but continuing into the eternities.  This Eternal Marriage, Celestial Marriage is my goal, and I hope it is yours too.

What's So Funny

I recently found a quote somewhere on the web that I thought was very profound.


"Nothing shows a person's character more than what he or she laughs at."

The more I think about this the more I realize how true it is. A person who laughs at the pain or misfortune of others is generally not a very nice person, A person who laughs at humorous situations is fun to be with. A person who can find the humor in a situation, especially one that may not seem humorous is usually wise and witty. Best of all is the person who can laugh at themselves.

I love humor and wit. I often laugh out loud while reading a book or watching a good movie. Sadly, it seems more and more that so-called humor is becoming crass and mean-spirited.

The TV shows that make me laugh the most are 'I Love Lucy" and "The Beverly Hillbillies"

Beverly Hillbillies falls into the category of finding the humor in a situation such as the coincidence of the mysterious music playing just before someone shows up at the door. A gold-digger thinking that Jethro is a duke instead of realizing the old hound is named Duke. What about thinking a parking ticket is some sort of prize.


The humor comes from the innocence and naivete of the Clampetts but we are not laughing AT them, we laugh with them as they try to make sense of a foreign way of life.

I Love Lucy is based on us laughing with Lucy as she laughs at herself. The situations are so ridiculous and each idea Lucy comes up with is crazier than the one before. Who can forget the episode where Lucy is stomping grapes, or is trying to prove she can hold down a job in a candy factory and ends up with chocolate everywhere but in the wrappers. Of course there is the classic Vita-Meata-Vegamin episode where she gets more and more tipsy and ends up slurring her words. We see the humor in yet another crazy stunt. It is laugh out loud funny every time!



Ask yourself... what makes you laugh. Be careful, your character is showing.

Families Are Forever

Today I was privileged and honored to be invited to a very special event in the Provo Temple.

Katelyn Marie Thelma Mikolasy was sealed to her mother Patsy and her step-father Bruce. President Merrill J. Bateman officiated.

The ceremony was brief, but beautiful and the Spirit was so strong. I don't think there was a dry eye in the room.

When Patsy invited me, yesterday, to be present as she was sealed for Time and All Eternity to her beautiful daughter I was so touched that I cried for about half an hour. My feelings have been tender all day in anticipation of the creation of this powerful and eternal family link.

I am so grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the restoration of the Gospel that makes this amazing blessing possible. I love the Temple and the ordinences that bless us so greatly.

It is always an amazing thing to watch the power of the priesthood as an eternal family is created. Be it joining a man and woman together in a marriage, sealing a previously civilly married couple, sealing an adopted child to the parents, or in this case a proxy joining of deceased member to other family members I love, love, love the feeling and promise of this sacred ordinance.

I have been present at several marriage sealings, for some of my siblings and cousins.

I was also privilaged to be present as Shawna and her husband had their youngest daughter, whom they adopted sealed to them which in turn also sealed her to their other four children.

I have participated in proxy sealings as a wife and as a daughter.

Every sealing ordinance is wonderful and special. But some are especially poingant.

The sealing of Katelyn to Patsy and Bruce was one of those poingant sealings. I know that she is as happy as we all are that she is now eternally linked to her wonderful mother and family.

Chocoate Wisdom

Recently someone gave me a miniature candy bar that had a message printed on the wrapper. It says: Treasure the Moment.

This is good advice. We all have those little moments every day that come and go with no fanfare but they are important and often fleeting. Time moves quickly, things change.

It does not seem that long ago that my children were small. When Kimberlee, the youngest, was born I had five children under the age of 7. This was a challenge, obviously. It was also a lot of fun. Each child was busy in their own way and kept life interesting.

John David learned to ride a bike in one day. He also was the victim of the "long distance tickle" I could stand across the room from him and wiggle my fingers in his direction saying "tickle tickle." He would collapse into fits of giggles and roll around on the floor.

Shanna had an imagination that would not quit. One day she was telling me about the mud room at school. She said it was full of mud and that they played in the mud. Thinking that I, of course, was much smarter than a kindergartner tried to trip her up by asking her questions about why when didn't come home muddy etc. that girl had an answer for every thing I threw at her. It was amazing! She also wanted to go live with her school teacher because she loved the teacher so much.

James walked about five miles from several blocks north of downtown Provo to Grandpa and Grandma's house because his uncle Joseph had said no Utah Jazz fans could ride in his car. James took this literally and was able to find his way home. He also made such good friend with the playground supervisor that she bought him the Mr. Bucket game Santa forgot to bring

Michael was obsessed with Barney. Totally resisting wearing shirt that did not have a picture of Barney on it. He curled his toes and refused to even try on a new pair of shoes that were not "Barney Shoes". We had to drive to the next town to find a shoe store with Barney shoes. He could not ride in the car without listening to Barney CD's screaming "Barney talk" repeatedly until it was turned on. I had to sing the brushing teeth song from Barney to get him to brush and it goes on and on.

Kimberlee just cried and ate and slept, she was a newborn. ;) As she got a little older she loved to play hide and seek. She met Donny Osmond and was surprised that he was at the bookstore because she thought he lived inside our TV. She also learned to spell her name when she was only two.

It seems as almost no time has passed, but now Kimberlee is almost ready to start high school, Michael has one year before graduation, James is a missionary, Shanna is going to be a mother herself, and John David is the family handyman.

These little moments from my children's lives exist now only in memory. Time and life march on, relentlessly. Someday Shanna's first pregnancy and James' mission service will also be memories. I hope I can enjoy these experiences vicariously through them and savor these unique times.

Treasure these moments. Experience the daily joys those little bites of time and events that make life rich and delicious.

My preferred method of eating chocolate is to let it melt on my tongue savoring the sweetness and flavor. Chewing ends the episode too quickly and diminishes the opportunity to really taste and experience the sweetness, the creaminess and deliciousness of the candy.

Life life like you are eating chocolate slowly, notice the moment, savor it, treasure it.

Hearing Voices

One of the time honored traditions for moms of missionaries is that the missionary gets to call home twice a year, on Christmas and Mother's Day.

A lesser known part of this is that some missionaries get to do a "pre-call" where they call at a random time to arrange the time for the real call. I had never heard of this before.

One day in December I was talking with a co-worker when my cell phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and it showed a call from Kentucky not knowing anyone in Kentucky I hit the ignore option and continued my conversation. A minute later the phone rang again and my friend said "I guess Kentucky really wants to talk to you. I answered the phone with a tentative "Hello..." expecting some telemarketer or something. Then I heard one of the greatest sounds I could imagine "Hi Mom!" It was James, my missionary son, doing a surprise pre-call! It was almost bouncing with excitement. Exclaiming over and over "I just love hearing your voice."

I got another pre-call the Friday before Mother's Day. It was short, but again it was so wonderful to hear his voice that it made my day.

Sounds are all around us. The hum of the computer, the whisper of the fan blowing the air that is either heated or cooled to a comfortable temperature, the rhythmic beating of rain on the roof and pavement, music, birds chirping, leaves crunching in the fall, laughter and so much more. The sense of sound is such an amazing gift!

One of the best sounds we can hear is the sound of a loved one's voice. Memories linger, photos capture frozen images of moments in our lives, but voices seem to fade which is sad.

After Katelyn passed away Michael made a tribute video of her to give to her mother, Patsy. I was fortunate enough to go with him to deliver it. Patsy watched with smiles and tears. Part of the video was of Kat talking for a few seconds before bursting into her wonderful infectious laughter. More than once we saw and heard Kat saying a few words then laughing.

When the video was finished. Patsy looked at Michael and said "Thank you for giving me her voice. I have lots of pictures, but now I have her voice"

We listen to many voices each day, but how often do we stop to think how precious those voices are to us?

Just as we can easily recognize and identify people by their faces, we also can identify a voice, especially of someone we love. The sound of one of those voices can make our day.

I am waiting with eager anticipation to get to hear my wonderful missionary son's voice tomorrow. Music to my ears.

What's In A Name

I am still pondering the whole grandma name thing.

Has it ever occurred to anyone that the tradition of calling a grandmother "Grandma LastName" is weird and a bit warped?

Think about it, to your kids (if you follow this tradition) your mother-in-law is Grandma LastName. When your children have children why do you suddenly have to take on your mother-in-law's identity. This is seriously flawed logic.

The way I figure it no one is ambivalent about their mother-in-law. Either you think she is an angel or you think she is the devil!!

If you are one of those lucky women who love and get along with your mother-in-law suddenly having her title seems to me that it would feel like a coups or that you have usurped her position.

If you are one of those who plans on seeing your mother-in-law rot in a very dark place where snowballs do not survive, why on earth would you want to take a name/title she has used for years. You don't want to become anything like her or be associated in anyway.

With that in mind why do so many continue the bizarre custom of transforming (by name anyway) into your mother-in-law?

Maybe this is the reason so many grandmas' are breaking from tradition and choosing titles like MeeMaw, that is certainly better than Grandma Saint (too hard to live up to) or Grandma Satan (wouldn't want to "live up" to)!

Just a thought...

Of course all the MeeMaws and Nonnies may just be because the word "Grandma" feels to darn old.

What ever the case I prefer Nana Lisa. That's my name and I'm sticking to it