Temples, Ministering, Inclusion & Healing

I was asked to give a talk in Sacrament Meeting on June 17, 2018.  The assigned topic was "Get Ye to the Temple".  It was also Father's Day.   The text of my talk is below:

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One of my earliest memories of my father is him dressed in his suit and carrying his little suitcase as he and my mother headed to the temple.   The temple was always important to my father and he demonstrated his love for the temple by his actions and serving within the walls often.   As his health was declining and he wasn’t able to attend church anymore, let alone the temple he realized that his recommend was about to expire and made arrangements for both the bishop and the stake president to come see Dad at home to renew the recommend.  My father’s dedication to the Gospel and the temple have always been an example and inspiration to me. 

I have a somewhat unusual relationship with the temple.  I didn’t get married there.  I wasn’t endowed as a step to a mission or marriage.  Not that there is anything wrong with that.  However, I am grateful that when I did choose to receive my temple endowment it was because I wanted to participate in the blessings of the temple.  That was 20 years ago this past April.  I have a deep love for the temple.   I have had many wonderful experiences in the temple.  It blesses my life.

In April General Conference Elder Renlund gives a powerful list of blessings available to those who participate in family history and temple work

"As we participate in family history and temple work today, we also lay claim to "healing" blessings promised by prophets and apostles.  These blessings are breathtakingly amazing because of their scope, specificity and consequences in mortality.  This long list includes these blessings: 

• Increased understanding of the Savior and His atoning sacrifice;
• Increased influence of the Holy Ghost to feel strength and direction for our own lives;
• Increased faith, so that conversion to the Savior becomes deep and abiding;
• Increased ability and motivation to learn and repent because of an understanding of who we are, where we come from, and a clearer vision of where we are going;
• Increased refining, sanctifying, and moderating influences in our hearts;
• Increased joy through an increased ability to feel the love of the Lord;
• Increased family blessings, no matter our current, past, or future family situation or how imperfect our family tree may be;
• Increased love and appreciation for ancestors and living relatives, so we no longer feel alone;
• Increased power to discern that which needs healing and thus, with the Lord’s help, serve others;
• Increased protection from temptations and the intensifying influence of the adversary; and
• Increased assistance to mend troubled, broken, or anxious hearts and make the wounded whole.

These are powerful, amazing blessings.  I’d like to focus on a few of them.

Increased faith, so that conversion to the Savior is deep and abiding

Increased joy through increased ability to feel the love of the Lord

To me these go hand in hand.   As I become more converted to Christ and come to know Him more I do feel his love increase in my life.  I feel his love increase for me and for others.   Many years ago as I was struggling to make one of the most difficult decisions of my life I had fasted and prayed over a period of several weeks, maybe longer.  I wasn’t getting clarity on my answer.   I wasn’t ready to confide in anyone other than through prayer.  I felt lost, confused and alone.   I finally got a chance to attend a session in the Provo temple.  As I sat in the Celestial room pouring my heart out, again, in prayer I gazed at the larger than life painting of our Savior on the wall.  I was overwhelmed by the feeling of his love for me.  It was tangible. It was comforting.  I didn’t receive my answer in the temple that day, but I did receive the strength to have faith that the answer would come and it would be the answer that was best for me.

I have often felt his love for me and his absolute ability to heal and support me and those around me.  Not just in this situation, but in the darkest most difficult times in my life.  He gives me peace in the midst of my storms.   I am confident he will do the same for you and as we attend the Temple we will feel this and recognize it even more fully.

As many of you know I am blessed to have a weekly shift on Saturday evenings in the sealing office of the Provo City Center Temple.  This is a highlight of my week.  Because of this I tend to think a lot about the sealing ordinance and the blessings that come from uniting families.  Sometimes this takes a lot of faith too.  Faith that everything will work out to bring families together in the Lord’s timing.  As previously mentioned I was not married in the Temple.  I was never sealed to my former husband and therefore my children are not sealed to me.  Sometimes this is very difficult to think about, but I just need to lean on the Lord and trust in his promises.  I believe that somehow some way I will have the opportunity to experience those blessings and be able to have my children sealed to me.  It is painful to feel like you’re on the outside, like you don’t have a place, like you don’t quite fit.

This leads me to the other promises Elder Renlund referenced in his talk that I’d like to discuss:

• Increased power to discern that which needs healing and thus, with the Lord’s help, serve others;
• Increased assistance to mend troubles, broken or anxious hearts and make the wounded whole

I think these also go hand in hand.  

I can best illustrate this by sharing an experience I had earlier this month.   On the first Sunday of June I went to Salt Lake and walked with Mormons Building Bridges in the Pride Parade.   For those who are unfamiliar with Mormons Building Bridges their mission statement begins:

"In accordance with the Gospel of Jesus Christ, Mormons Building Bridges is a community of Latter-day Saints dedicated to conveying love and acceptance to all who identify as LGBTQI+ and those who experience same-sex attraction and gender dysphoria.  The Mormons Building Bridges community asserts that all our LGBTQI+ sisters and brothers are inherently worthy of love and belonging in our homes, congregations, and communities - no matter where their life path may take them" 

As I lined up I saw many other dressed in Sunday Best holding colorful signs emblazoned with scriptures, messages of love, quotes, and lyrics from hymn and primary songs.   All had shining faces and bright smiles.  As our turn came and we began to walk down the street and I saw all of the people lined up on the side of the road cheering and waving I felt overwhelmed with emotion and gratitude, I felt the Spirit so strongly and the tears began to stream down my face.  A bit later I was able to just soak up the joy of the smiling, cheering crowd and the smiles, waves, and signs of love from my fellow walkers. I also smiled and waved the ASL sign for "I love you" at the crowd.  

Toward the end of the parade route I saw a young lady, probably about 21 or so on the side of the road, she was in the front row of the crowd and she was sobbing.  Without even thinking I stepped out of the group, walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her in a tight embrace.  She clung to me and we cried together as we hugged. She thanked me over and over.  I told her I loved her and I meant it. I could feel the love that Christ has for her too.  This was one of the most deeply moving and spiritual experiences I've ever had.  

I can see this as a parable of temple work.   The crowds alongside the street far outnumbered those of us Mormons walking in the parade.  Just as those who have not had the opportunity to receive the blessings of the temple in their lifetime far outnumber those of us who have.  From my perspective I couldn't tell for sure, but I've heard many times that the Mormons Building Bridges entry gets the biggest cheer from the crowds.  They see hope in us, a glimmer of acceptance where previously they may have felt they didn't belong.  As we think of those waiting to receive these ordinances and blessings, those who don't yet fit in or have a place, but see hope as we unify and go to the temples to create a place for them; wouldn't they be cheering us on as we do family history and attend the temple to perform their sacred ordinances?  

As for the young lady I hugged, I don't know her or her story so I am imagining one, which unfortunately, is all too common.  Perhaps she comes from a very strict family who kicked her out after she came out to them as a member of the LGBTQ community.  Though  Church leaders counsel LDS parents to not do this, it still happens.  I picture this young lady as no longer belonging to her family and feeling ostracized, hopeless and alone.  Maybe not just rejected by her family, but her faith community and, possibly even, in her mind, by extension God.  It may sound melodramatic, but this is a very real experience for too many of our LGBTQ brothers and sisters.  When we think of those who have gone before us, who didn't have the opportunity to hear the gospel or participate in the ordinances of the temple.  They are separated from their families and even the full potential of the Celestial Kingdom.  People who are lost and alone, separate, possibly afraid, sad, and hurting.  When we seek out their names and complete their ordinances it  is akin to seeing their tears, stepping out of the crowd and embracing them with love and inclusion.  They will be able to express their gratitude and we will be able to embrace them, show our love and welcome them into our eternal family.  

In November 2017 at a BYU Devotional Elder M. Russell Ballard addressed the issue of LGBT members belonging in the Lord's Kingdom and a call for the rest of us to be more compassionate and welcoming. It is not just out LGBTQ members who sometimes feel like they don't fit in.  I remember feeling despair of not having an eternal family or a worthy priesthood holder in my home; this made attending church incredibly painful when I'd hear other women expressing gratitude for having these blessings.  I even stopped coming to church for a few weeks because it hurt too much. There are some among us who may feel troubled, broken or have anxious hearts due to many factors such as being divorced, single, having a wayward child, or no children, strained family relationships, or being estranged from parents or children, or many other possibilities.  If we can consider inserting each of these circumstances in addition to the specific circumstance Elder Ballard discussed we can see this as more universally applicable.  He was responding to questions and had been asked about what advice he had for LGBT members,  He said:  

"I want everyone who is a member of the Church who is gay or lesbian to know that I believe you have a place in the kingdom and I recognize that sometimes it may be difficult for you to see where you fit in the Lord's Church, but you do.
We need to listen to and understand what our LGBT brothers and sisters are feeling and experiencing.  Certainly we must do better than we have done in the past so that all members feel they have a spiritual home where their brothers and sisters love them and they have a place to worship and serve the Lord."  

If we substitute any of the previously mentioned circumstances into this model and seek to listen to and understand our brothers and sisters who are hurting and truly minister to them, we are more fully living up to our covenants.  I want to make it clear than I know this was is amazing!  We do this very well.  I have seen so much love and support for one another, but there is always room for improvement.  I know that I can be better at reaching out and ministering to others.  

As we attend the temple and participate in the ordinances there as often as we can according to our individual circumstances and season of life we are in we will find peace and solace within the walls.  As we seek to gain a greater testimony of our Savior Jesus Christ ad increase our capacity to feel his love for us our lives will be greatly enhanced.  We will be able to more fully discern who and what needs healing and more fully minister to and serve them.  We will be able to seek to mend troubles, broken or anxious hearts and work to make the wounded whole as we reach out to the living and the dead.  Especially those who feel left out, unseen, marginalized, or alone.  

I testify that as we do this our lives will be changed, we will be changed.  We will become more like the Savior and be better disciples of Christ, able to love one another as he loves us.  

I testify that Jesus Christ lives.  He suffered for us, he died for us, and he still seeks to help us become more like him.  As we seek the blessings of the temple and the whisperings of the Spirit we will be able to follow him and minister to those he would.  I say this is his sacred name, the name of Jesus Christ, Amen

The Policy - A Retrospective Two Years Later

Remember, Remember the 5^th of November

November 5, 2015 is a day that is seared in my mind and my heart forever.  Now, two years later here is my reflection on that day, and beyond.

I was in my parents’ living room when my oldest daughter (not gay) called me and asked if I’d heard what the Church did now.  I hadn’t heard a thing at that point.  She’s been very antagonistic toward the Church for quite some time, so when she started ranting about the Church and telling me about some new policy I was thinking “there is no way it is that bad” because her M.O. is to vilify the Church, often without direct cause. 

She hung up in frustration and called me back about five minutes later and continued to yell at me about how horrible the Mormon Church was.  I finally asked her what she wanted me to do about it.  She said she wanted me to write a letter to the First Presidency telling them they were stupid, she said she wanted me to go to the Church Office Building and protest, she said she wanted me to go to General Conference and stand up and yell “opposed” and she said that when they excommunicated my youngest son for being gay she wanted me to resign.  I knew I would do none of those things. 

Then I got on Facebook and started seeing all of the posts and the fallout.  I saw and read a copy of the handbook and discovered it was exactly as bad as my daughter had told me it was. 

My heart sank and I was in total disbelief.  How could my church, that I love, that I devoted my life to, decide that my sweet, wonderful, gentle, compassionate, son was worse than someone who abuses their spouse and/or children, worse than someone who is a rapist, worse than someone who attempts to murder others?  Seriously?!?  These people who intentionally inflict tremendous physical and emotional harm MIGHT have a Church Disciplinary Counsel, but my son and so many others MUST have one for loving and committing to a partner!?!?  That didn’t make any sense! It was wrong!! It was horrible!! It was just so darn flat out WRONG!!!

What about the children of mixed orientation marriages (many that happened because Church leaders counseled that getting married to someone of the “acceptable” gender would make the gay go away (which of course it didn’t) and now these marriages had ended in divorce and perhaps one of the parents was in a same-sex relationship or marriage, and the other parent was still very much in the Church wanted to have their children baptized, pass the Sacrament, etc.  and both parents had agreed, but now these children were not eligible (Even after the scrambled “clarification” I realized that this could take an amicable divorce and turn it into a huge, and probably bitter, custody battle.  With the gay parent on one side and the other parent & the Church on the other side with the children in the middle). Whatever happened to “Suffer the children to come unto me?”  How could Christ’s church be pushing children away from him, excluding them for something they have absolutely no choice over? 

I was shocked and upset but still not willing to do the things my daughter had demanded of me. I knew that asking for from the leaders for answers would get me nowhere. 

Instead I went to the Source.  If this was from the Brethren and they speak for God I needed to ask Him. So, with tears streaming down my face, and my heart heavy and breaking, I fell to my knees and pled for understanding.  How could this be from God, this was harsh and cruel.  The God I worship is kind and compassionate and loving, this policy the complete opposite.  “Father, help me understand, this doesn’t feel like you.  This doesn’t feel like Christ. How can this policy be possible?’   

I was blessed with basically an instant answer (which is very rare for me).  I felt immense peace wash over me.  It was like the Lord was telling me not to worry, and He had this, and He was going to make things right according to His divine wisdom and divine timing.  I felt his love for me, for my son, for so many others.  I felt peace, lots of peace. 

A couple of days later was my very first (previously planned) Mama Dragons gathering at the Blue Lemon in Draper and I got to meet several other Mama Dragon for the first time.  Mama Dragons for the first time.  Mama Dragons are amazing women (many LDS) who are mothers of LGBTQ+ who love our children fiercely and will protect them so vehemently that a mama bear metaphor isn’t strong enough, instead we are Mama Dragons and capable of breathing fire on anyone who messes with our children.  (There was plenty of fire breathing going on that night).

I’ll never forget meeting and talking to a sweet woman named Berta, and tears running down her face as she acknowledged she and her wife Kathy were no longer welcome to attend their ward and be a voice in the Church.  They had just moved to a new ward and had planned to go meet the bishop and let him know that they were there and wanted to serve.  Now that was impossible. She told me that since she couldn’t stay and had no voice, but I was allowed to stay, I had a voice.  If I could find it in my heart to stay, that I could be the voice she and so many others no longer can.  She plead with me to be that voice, if I could.  I resolved then, even more firmly than ever to stay.  To show the love, to be the voice for my son, Michael, for Berta & Kathy, for so many other incredible LGBTQ+ people I have met, especially the young people I have met giving hugs as a Bridge Building Mormon Mama Dragon at three Pride festivals (and more to come).   

I resolve to be a voice or love and inclusion.  To be a safe refuge.  To listen to the pain of my LGBTQ+ loved ones.  To be a shoulder to cry on when needed.    To breathe fire when that is needed.   To love and much as I can! 

I still do not like the Policy, not one bit.  I pray every day that it will be rescinded.  I sustain the Brethren, but I feel, to my core, that this policy is not our Heavenly Parents’ ultimate plan or answer for their LGBTQ+ children, or the children of those families.  It just doesn’t fit.  I pray that the leaders of the Church will get more clarity on this issue; that inclusion and love will rise and triumph.  After all, there is precedent, in my lifetime I have seen an excluded, marginalized group of magnificent faithful saints welcomed into the Church. I just hope it doesn’t take as long this time. 

I love the Gospel, I still stay in the Church, I work in the Temple each week and it is a highlight of my life.  I know that not all can stay.  I know that the Temple brings pain to many.  I support these individuals, my LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters, family members, allies and others that have stepped away from or completely out of the Church over this policy.  That is their path and I respect the agency that allows others to make that choice; as a matter of fact for many I believe this is their best choice, their only choice for mental, emotional and spiritual well-being.  It is not my choice, it is not my path.  I still feel the pain in my heart and empathy for the pain in the hearts and souls of so many others over this policy, but I can still seek and find the Peace I did on that first dreadful night. 

Our loving Heavenly Parents and our Savior know and deeply love all of these members of the LGBTQ+ community, their families, friends and allies who are suffering over this.  They will someday, somehow “make this right”

I’m not sure what that means, or how it looks, or when it will happen, but I have a feeling inside my heart that a large part of it needs to be when the rank and file members of the Church are open minded enough with hearts softened enough to welcome Berta & Kathy, Lincoln & Robert, Spencer & Nick and so many other amazing gay couples who love God and love each other and have declared that love by committing to marriage, into our fold without judgement.  Open hearts to accept Michael, Joey, Shaun, Derek, Eve, Victoria, Andy, Chris, Jacob and too many more to count or name in to our midst without reservation, with full love, fellowship and acceptance.  Right now some of these amazing Sons and Daughters of God no longer even have a desire to be in our midst, the rejection has been too complete, too long, the pain too deep.  This is our loss.  We can do better, we must do better.  My heart tells me this so strongly.

So I stay, I am part of this church, just as much as the leaders are,  just as much as my ward members who may or may not be struggling with this like I am are.  I need to and I will make my presence felt on the pews, my voice heard over the pulpit (as it has been two or three times in the past two years) and speak up in classes.  I will honor my covenants to the best of my ability including to mourn with those that mourn and comfort those that stand in need of comfort.  There is still much mourning, there are still many desperately in need of comfort.

So I stay, I pray this policy will end.  I put my trust in God and I love as loud as I can!