Sharing My Heart - I Am Here for You

I have been writing and editing this in my mind for a week, now it is time to share.

When I first heard the about the update in the LDS Church handbook in relation to gay marriage being classified as apostasy and the children of couples in a same-gender marriage being required to wait until age 18 for baptism and full participation in other church activities I felt disbelief, confusion, and hurt.

I realized that so many of my brothers and sisters are in deep pain and feel marginalized, unwanted and ostracized, and other things I cannot possibly begin to imagine.  There are people in my life that I love deeply who identify LGBTQ+ and others who are allies.  This includes family members and dear friends I’ve known for years, and friends I have come to know and cherish more recently.  Many of them are truly hurting. Among those suffering are people in the LGBTQ+ community and allies I have never met.  All are my brothers and sisters, all are of value.  All are Children of God. 
They. Are. In. Pain.
Deep searing pain. 
Can’t catch your breath pain.
Drowning in hopelessness and despair pain. 
Possibly even the pain that could lead to the unthinkable, desperate decision to end a life in suicide. 

What can I do in this situation?  What should I do? 

Let’s begin with what I will not do.  I am not going to go to Church leaders and demand answers.  I am not going to protest and vilify and fuel hatred. I am not going to quit or resign my membership.  That is not the answer; that is not my answer.  I have gone to the source, to my Father in the sacred name of my Savior and humbly shared my hurt and confusion and sincerely asked for understanding, for peace.  It is coming.  I still don’t understand, but I am feeling a bit more peace.  I will continue to seek more from this Pure Source.

I am going to stay true to myself, true to my testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  I am staying in my Church; the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that is so deeply a part of me.  I am staying true to my covenants in that church. Covenants that include mourning with those that mourn and comforting those that stand in need of comfort.   This is my answer, this is my path, and this is what I need to and will do.

I will love.  I will advocate for kindness and patience and behaving as Christ would.  I will sit in the pews each week and invite anyone who wants to sit with me to do so and welcome you with open arms.  I will even move out of “my” pew, my comfort zone in the chapel and sit with you if you need me to.  I will pray for your pain to ease.  I will be a shoulder to cry on and a friend to cry with.  I will be as Christ-like as I can.  I will fail at times, because I am a flawed, imperfect human-being, but when I fail I will try to pick up and start over and truly try to be the best I can to be there for those who need a friend, a hug and love. 

If you are an ally or identify as LGBTQ+ (whether you’re out or not) please know I am safe to reach out to.  I am safe to come out to (if you feel comfortable doing so).  I promise to do my very best to love you and mourn with you and comfort you.  I know I will never fully understand your pain, your journey and your deepest heart, but I truly believe that Jesus Christ does.  I will try to listen and empathize and help you the very best I know how, and will keep trying to learn more and improve in this ability.  I believe in Christ and kindness and love.  I hope you will allow me to share with you.  You are welcomed with my open arms, as I strive to be an extension of His arms.  

To all who are in pain over this issue (or any other) please, please, please know that
You. Are. Loved! 

Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee.

Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me.

Isaiah 49:15-16 (see also 1 Nephi 21:14-16) 

I also want to share the lyric to one of my favorite hymns:

1. Where can I turn for peace?
   Where is my solace
   When other sources cease to make me whole?
   When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice,
   I draw myself apart,
   Searching my soul?

Where, when my aching grows,

Where, when I languish,

Where, in my need to know, where can I run?

Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?

Who, who can understand?

He, only One.

1. He answers privately,
   Reaches my reaching
   In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend.
   Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching.
   Constant he is and kind,
   Love without end.

I testify that Jesus Christ is the source you can turn to for peace, no matter what is causing your wounded heart, or your aching, when you have no where else to go. He does have a quiet hand to calm your anguish and he truly is the one who can fully understand.  He is your friend. He is constant and kind and he truly does love you with no end!